“Love note”

After my son finished eating his after school snack, I asked him about his day.

We talked about what special he had, what he did at recess and about his lunch time.

When I asked him about lunch, he started smiling really big.

I said “You liked the tiny Kit Kat I put in there for you!” And he starting clapping his hands.

Then he looked at me and his face lit up with pure joy.

I thought wow, he really enjoyed that little candy bar!

But then he said “love note” and gave me the biggest teddy bear hug.

I felt the tears start to fill my eyes and I asked “you loved your note?”

And he shook his head yes, squeezing me tighter around my hips.

I have been writing notes and putting them in our son’s lunchboxes since they were in kindergarten. (Yes, I’m ‘that mom’)

His twin brother loves it!

But I never knew if he enjoyed it as much as his brother did.

Our son isn’t able to read yet but I know that his teacher or aide reads them to him every day.

And yesterday, HE was able to tell me about it.

I had no idea how much he enjoyed the little notes that I send and how happy they make him.

But now I do.

This is another one of those unforgettable moments.

The kind that take your breath away and you carry them with you in your heart everywhere you go.

Friends, don’t ever think for a moment that the little things you do for your kids go unnoticed.

Because I assure you, they don’t.

Never stop being ‘that mom.’

I know I won’t.

And I’ll continue to send lunch box “love notes” to make my son’s day just a little brighter.

What if?

Instead of judging another mom, we give her grace and remember that we’re all doing the best we can.

What if?

Instead of staring at someone who looks or acts differently, we wave and say hello.

What if?

Instead of watching someone struggling, we ask how we can help.

What if?

Instead of complaining about our hardships, we start showing more gratitude for the things and people we’re thankful for.

What if?

Instead of saying “I’m fine”, let’s allow ourselves to be vulnerable and accept help from others.

What if?

We learned to love each other regardless of our differences.

What if we take every day as a new day to improve ourselves?

A new day to be a little better than yesterday.

To be kinder.
More honest.
More caring.
More forgiving.

What if we start changing the way things have always been?

What if this is the year we learn from past mistakes and start moving forward with purpose and intent?

What if we supported each other instead of walking away?

What if we focus on building each other up instead of tearing each other down?

What if we started changing the world for the better?

And what if we started today?

Story Time.

During our nighttime routine, our son said “story” and pointed to me.

This is his way of asking me to tell him a story. But not just any story.

This is when I ask him to choose three things.

Who do you want in the story?

Where are they going?

And what dinosaurs will be there?

Then I make up a very elaborate and eventful story based off of his response.

As he was deep in thought, I sat there with a smile on my face waiting for him to tell me his answers.

This typically consists of hand gestures or sign language and a few vocal words.

He chose Jurassic World and all his favorite dinosaurs from the movie.

I asked him who was going and he said “school.”

I said “oh, you want this to be a field trip with your friends from school?”

He shook his head yes.

I started saying his teachers names and his paraprofessional and he nodded his head yes to all of them.

Then I started naming off some children from his class and after the first name I said, he shook his head no.

He paused for a moment and then looked at me and said “my boys!”

I said a name of one boy and his eyes lit up and he started clapping.

He quickly put his finger to his chin, with that ‘I’m thinking look’ on his face, and then he said the other boy’s name all by himself!

I repeated back the two little boys names and he smiled ear to ear, excitedly flapping his hands and shouted “MY BOYS!”

Tears started to fill my eyes because my mama heart was bursting with so much joy.

This might not seem like a big deal to some.

But when you have a child with a disability, who also has a difficult time communicating, you often wonder what their relationships are like.

Are they genuine?

Does he feel loved and accepted?

Does he have real friends?

This was an incredibly special moment that justified all of that.

He HAS meaningful relationships.

He is LOVED by so many people.

He is ACCEPTED for who he truly is.

He HAS true friends.

And he proudly calls them “his boys.”

I noticed my son watching me closely this morning.

His eyes following my every move.

As I finished getting things ready for school, I grabbed his gloves and placed them in his book bag.

He started jumping up and down and clapping his hands. He smiled. He reached for me.

He hugged me tight and didn’t want to let go.

Then he pointed to the gloves I put in his backpack and started jumping up and down again.

This time he shouted “bedder!” (his way of saying better)

I asked him if his hands have been cold at recess and he shook his head yes!

Friends, my first instinct was to feel sad.

Because his hands have been cold when he’s playing outside and he wasn’t able to tell his teachers or his aide.

He also wasn’t able to tell us at home when talking to him about his day. It truly breaks my heart.

Communication is hard for our little guy.
Apraxia of speech makes it difficult for him to form verbal words and articulate them correctly.

We support him by providing many forms of communication, not just verbal words. He also uses sign language, hand gestures and his speech device.

Although he wasn’t able to use these to tell us in the moment, I’m so proud of him for finding a way to communicate that he was happy!

That I was doing something that made him feel BETTER!

If you have a child or another loved one with a severe speech impairment or who is non speaking, I hope this story brings you joy.

It’s never too late to find different ways to help them communicate.

We just have to listen with more than our ears.

Going into the new year is not about a “new year new me” mentality.

At least not for me.

This is the year I give myself permission to do
the things I tell myself I’m going to do, but often times refrain from doing so out of fear.

Life is too short to be in a constant state of worry and stress.

It’s time I make my inner peace a priority.

I give myself permission to LET THINGS GO.
This includes people and things that no longer serve me or bring joy to my life.

I give myself permission to REST.
This is extremely important for proper physical and mental health.

I give myself permission to SET BOUNDARIES.
A family member, a coworker or a friend, boundaries are important to maintain healthy relationships.

I give myself permission to SAY NO.
This is one of the hardest one for me.
But It. Is. A. Must.

I give myself permission to STOP APOLOGIZING FOR THINGS THAT ARE NOT MY FAULT.
I’ve been guilty of this since I was a young child. It’s time to break the cycle.

I give myself permission to ACCEPT HELP.
I struggle with this a lot.
But after the past several months, accepting help from close family and friends is the only way I made it through the scariest time in my life.

I give myself permission to SLOW DOWN.
This will be difficult but my mind and body will thank me.

I give myself permission to GIVE GRACE.
To myself and others.

I give myself permission to ACCEPT THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE.
It can be a cruel world out there, but it’s up to me how I react and respond to it.

I give myself permission to BELIEVE IN ME.
I CAN do hard things.

I give myself permission to WORRY LESS.
As someone who suffers from anxiety, this will help keep my mind more clear. It’ll give me the ability to focus on the things and people I love and be more present in the moment.

I give myself permission to ENJOY MORE OF THE LITTLE THINGS.
In the end, they are things that matter the most.

I give myself permission to reflect on this past year and recognize the changes that need to be made in order to move forward.

And I hope you’re able to do the same.

Here’s to a happy and healthy new year for all of us.

You taught me that love needs no words.

You show me how much you love me without saying a single word.

It’s a touch of your hand on my cheek while you look into my eyes.

It’s when you smile at me and press your forehead against mine.

It’s when you run over to me and give me a hug me when we’re playing at the park.

It’s when you sit on the floor and tap two times beside you as to say “sit here”.

It’s when you gently touch my arm to show me something amazing that you did.

It’s when you sit on my lap in the middle of the night and you let me hold your hand.

It’s when you quietly rest your head on my shoulder after a long day at school.

It’s when you softly kiss my hand when I sit with you while you’re upset.

You have a way of sharing your heart with me that is so beautiful and special.

A heart that is filled with an abundance of love, kindness and pure joy.

Thank you for allowing me into your world and sharing these special moments.

Thank you for teaching me that we don’t have to verbally say “ I love you “ to make someone feel loved.

You show me every single day with a gentle touch.

A loving hug.

And a smile that lights up a room.

Dear Target,

First, I’d like to start by saying THANK YOU.

Thank you for being one of the few stores we shop at that offers adaptive clothing for individuals with disabilities.

Thank you for providing Caroline’s Carts and for including children with varying abilities in your ads and commercials.

You make families like ours feel seen.

You go above and beyond what other stores do and you have us as loyal customers because of it.

I wanted to ask for a moment of your time to discuss something that would make Target even more inclusive and accessible.

As a parent of a child with a disability, going in public can be difficult when certain things aren’t accessible. One of the biggest struggles we face are public restrooms.

I was shopping at our local Target the other day and I took my ten year old son to the family restroom to assist him. I noticed the baby changing table on the wall. Unfortunately, baby changing tables are just that.

They’re for BABIES.

Thousands of individuals that shop at your stores, many utilizing the Caroline’s carts and adaptive clothing, need a universally designed changing table. These are also known as adult sized changing tables. They accommodate most people up to 6 feet tall and 400 pounds.

This piece of equipment is accessible for all shapes and sizes regardless of age and gender. Without them, we are left changing our loved ones on public restroom floors or in the back of our vehicles in public view.

Our family members deserve a safe, private and dignified space to use the restroom while they’re out shopping.

I’m kindly asking for Target to replace baby changing tables with powered height adjustable adult sized changing tables in their family restrooms.

Not just for my son, but for the thousands of individuals and their families that shop at your stores.

You have already proven that Target cares about ALL people by including them in every aspect of your store and merchandise.

The only piece you’re missing is the restroom!

Let’s make Target the FIRST large chain retail store to become fully INCLUSIVE and ACCESSIBLE for ALL patrons.

It’s time for change.

Sincerely,

Christina Abernethy

(and parents & caregivers everywhere)

I hope they know.

That when I drop my son off at school in the morning, I’m leaving a piece of my heart there with him.

I hope they know.

That I’m not just another worried mom with new school year jitters.

It’s so much more than that.

I’m leaving my vulnerable child at school and trusting them with his safety, his health, his dignity and his well being.

That is no easy feat my friends.

You see, most parents can ask their child about their day and have a conversation about the fun they had and new things they learned while at school.

They can also chat about the things that didn’t go so well or when something is bothering them.

Thankfully, we are able to do this with two of our three children and we are incredibly grateful for that.

However, when you have a child with limited communication or who is non speaking, you can’t do that.

We have to wholeheartedly trust the staff that work with our son and ask that they provide us with details from their day at school.

It’s one of the hardest things to do as his parents and it causes a lot of stress and anxiety.

We are extremely blessed to have an amazing team and a school district that works well with our son’s needs.

But I hope they know just how important and crucial their jobs are.

I hope they know that EVERYTHING they do matters.

And we appreciate all of it.

I hope they know that it’ll take time, like every year, to get into a routine and to feel a sense of comfort and relief.

I hope they will be patient with parents and caregivers like us as we navigate through big changes and so many unknowns.

I hope they know that a little compassion and grace goes a long way.

And we will kindly do the same for them.

What would you do?

We entered the park and were greeted by a sweet boy in a red T-shirt and black shorts. He was probably seven years old and had the cutest little crooked smile.

His caregiver was close by to help him on the stairs and assist him with the playground equipment.

As our boys played together, we couldn’t help but smile at the pure joy they shared.

It was beautiful.

After playing long and hard in the heat, we started to pack up our belongings to leave.

I then heard a child screaming from the other side of the playground and I glanced over to make sure they were ok.

I noticed it was the young boy who was playing with my sons when we first arrived.

Everyone watched as this sweet little boy was completely distraught.

I took my boys by their hands and we walked towards them. We kept a little distance as to not upset my own son, but close enough I could still see both of them.

I stepped closer to the boy as he was throwing rocks and kicking his legs in the air.

I asked his caregiver if I could try to help and with a sigh of relief, she nodded her head yes.

I sat next to him and spoke slowly and softly.

He looked at me with tears running down his rosy cheeks and he stopped kicking his legs.

He started to calm down.

As we stood up and walked towards the car, he became very upset again.

He was really struggling and it was impacting his ability to walk and regulate his emotions at the same time.

So I asked if I could carry him.

He said yes and I scooped him into my arms. I carried him from the playground to his vehicle.

His caregiver, who I then found out was his nanny, thanked me over and over again.

She tried to apologize and I reassured her there was nothing to be sorry for.

I walked back over to my sons and they were still sitting in the grass playing dinosaurs.

My son reached his arms out to give me a hug and said, “That was nice of you to help them mommy.”

And I replied, “Just like you helping your brother. “

And then with a big smile on his face he said loudly, “WE ARE HELPERS!”

And that’s the moral of the story my friends.

We choose to be helpers.

Today.

Tomorrow.

Always.

What will you choose to be?

It happened again.

In just a few short weeks, the “R” word has been used multiple times to describe my son and other individuals with disabilities.

As I sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks, I can’t believe that I’m typing these words and sharing yet another story of pain and hurt.

I had someone comment on a recent post that I wrote about using the word retard and how hurtful it is.

He said “freedom of speech is one of the best parts of being born in the USA.”

In other words, this man thinks it’s OK to call people retarded because that’s their right.

It’s “freedom of speech.”

I replied back explaining that even though we have freedom of speech, that doesn’t mean we have to use our words to purposely hurt and degrade people.

His response?

It’s an adjective that’s used to describe these people and that I need to grow up because words don’t really hurt people.

And that I need to get some thicker skin if I want to make it in today’s society.

THIS is what’s wrong with our society.

This is a perfect example of the hate and discrimination that people with disabilities and their families still face today.

I don’t need to grow thicker skin.

I don’t need to grow up.

What I NEED is…

No, what my SON NEEDS, is for people to accept him for who he truly is.

For people to embrace differences and treat others with respect and dignity.

WORDS ARE POWERFUL.

We can use them to spread kindness and lift each other up.

Or we can use them to belittle people and tear each other apart.

Both are a CHOICE.

A choice in which one of them will leave wounds and scars that will last a life time.